Struggling- need prayer!

I had a big struggle mentally yesterday... and it's still going today... so I'm asking for prayer!

As you all know, I started my new job back at Wamu (becoming Chase). I have talked about this with some people, but for those of you who don't know, I took a HUGE pay cut (like half of what I was making at SWBC). I left a role as a supervisor and have taken a new role in an entry level type position! (this in and of itself is very humbling!)

The job I do is as simple as it gets... I could train my dogs to do my job! It's crazy! Anyhoo... when I got the job (even at the interview) I expressed that I just want to get in the door to work my way back up into a leadership role again... which is what I had before I got laid off from Wamu just over a year ago. My boss knew my expectations and she was/is very supportive of it. She knows I don't want to do this forever... or for a long period of time for that matter. Anyways, I kind of had in my head that I would probably just be in this position for a few months until something else opened up and I could transfer to the next level or straight up to management. Welp, I found out that they aren't letting anyone transfer out until after the conversion between Wamu and Chase is completed. That will not take place until January or February- and that's the earliest but is still not a guarantee!!! YIKES!!!

All along I have felt (and still do feel) and said that I would choose happiness over money ANY DAY!!! I would be okay with this HUGE pay cut IF I were HAPPY! I had a heart to heart with myself yesterday and it hit me like a ton of bricks... I'm sooooo not happy! I am doing a job that means NOTHING! I feel no self worth! I feel like I'm not doing something that makes any difference what-so-ever... to ANYONE or ANYTHING! I saw my first full pay check and thought to myself... man, I'd feel better about that amount if I were HAPPY with what I'm doing!!!

Would I trade it for the physical stress, emotional stress, and integrity issues that I dealt with at SWBC?... NO WAY!!! I don't want to sound like I'm ungrateful or like a total whiner... I am grateful that I have a job! It's much better than sitting at home searching for one and stressing out with no income at all. I just desire so much to be in a job that I'm happy with or passionate about.

I LOVED being a supervisor! I felt like I had an impact on things and I had an impact on people's lives! I could help make them better at what they did! I could be the one person who was encouraging to them! I could teach them! I could be there to be a listening ear! I meant something... and I loved it! I loved the challenge of juggling ten thousand things while making sure my team was doing good and getting there work done! I loved the challenge of bringing my team out of the dumps and helping them shine!!! I loved helping people feel successful and a sense of accomplishment!! I worked VERY hard to get into that leadership role... and now I'm back at the beginning!!

I'm in a stress free role now... that's for sure. When I first started working here I kept telling myself "I need the stress free environment for a little bit after what I went through at SWBC! Take advantage of it!" And I am... I am enjoying the stress free... but I would almost rather have SOME stress and be happy with my actual job function than to have NO stress and be NOT happy with my job function!!! I hope this makes sense!

Again, I'm sorry to be all whinny (sp?) about all of this. I just need to pour my heart out onto something and ask for prayers. I poured it out to Steve last night... poor guy! I love him so much!! He listens to me... with his eyes... and lets me cry and talk, and he loves me through it! He talks with me and feels my pain and frustration! He encourages me and prays for me! How blessed I am to be his bride and to be a receiver of his unconditional love and support! Thank you Lord for him!!! I just know that I need more than one person praying for me right now.

So, with all this being said, I'm job hunting! I'm still at Wamu and I will stay here... but I'm desperate for something else! Please pray for God to open a door to something else. I am okay if I stay here at Wamu and move up, and I'm okay if He wants me to leave and go somewhere else! I am open to where He wants me. If He wants me to stay where I'm at, I'm asking for peace about that... right now I do not have it.

The Lord tells us to make our requests known to Him and I know there's nothing to small or big to ask for, so I'm asking for the following things and I ask you to pray for it also:
1. For God to reveal to me what I'm passionate about- as far as a job goes! (my passion is singing... I would LOVE to just sing on a praise team or in a group where I could do harmony for a living!!!- If that's what the Lord wants me to do, He's going to have to do some of His miraculous work!!!)
2. For God to open a door to a leadership role position somewhere- even back at SWBC just under a different division
3. For a pay increase
4. For me to find happiness in whatever job I do

Sorry this was so long winded! But, thanks for reading... and even more thanks for the prayers!!!